Decisions Decisions

What a whirlwind! Everything has been happening so fast...which is good...but also, I'm exhausted. All this thinking is making me tired. 

We met with my surgeon, Dr. Hanson. He's good and we liked him. Both Dave and I felt very comfortable with him and his knowledge; he really explained things very well to us.Next we met with my oncologist, Dr. Kaplan. Now I know I am going to be spending some time with this person so if I don't feel an instant love then move on. Well, we loved him! He is going to be great and I am so happy. Both doctors are completely empowering me to make decisions. Fantastic...and hard. My options: Lumpectomy-chemo-radiation or mastectomy-chemo. Lots of soul searching, researching and talking having been going on the last few days! I'm fairly certain I've made up my mind...it was my gut reaction and still seems to be the right choice for me. 

I should back up a little bit and tell you what we know right now:
IDC stage 2 and it is aggressive, Cell grade – 3. I am ER and PR positive (95% and 80%) I do not have the results of my HER2 yet and they are doing BRCA testing to see if I have the "cancer gene". 

This whole time I've been telling all the doctors that there was no history of breast cancer in my family except for a cousin (my paternal grandpa's first cousin - and a wonderful, wonderful woman!). After saying this for the umpteenth time it dawned on me that maybe I should ask (duh...ya think?). Low and behold there is a family history! I find out from my grandma that her mother had breast cancer. Wha?! Both of her grandmas also died of cancer (don't know what kind). So a little bit from both sides of the family now. Glad we are getting that genetic testing done (BRCA).

Meeting again with the surgeon on Thursday to finalize plans and most likely schedule my mastectomy. We won't know the results of the BRCA testing for a couple weeks. If I have the gene...well, I'll talk about that more when I find out. I'm tired, remember? :-)

I did have a fabulous weekend! On Friday we had a thai dinner with dear friends and the most delicious food ever! I pulled the whole "sorry I didn't make anything - I have the cancer" but they still were nice enough to let me eat, drink and be very very merry! Lots of laughs and love. I'm smiling just thinking about it. 

There was more food not pictured. It was all so good!! I know some seriously good cooks. We decided to make it a monthly dinner get together and I already cannot wait for next month. Did I mention there was like 12 kids running around too? My kid actually slept until 8:00 the next day - unheard of! The whole night was so good for my soul and yet another reminder of how incredibly fortunate I am to have such wonderful friends in my life. Love!

On Saturday Ryder and I went to Fall City Farms with our good friends Matt, Holly and Quinton. Super fun! We are having unbelievable Fall weather right now - it was 70 degrees! Beautiful and only one stare inducing melt down from my child.

Saturday night Dave and I got to go out to see some friends play a show at the Columbia City Theater. Again, surrounded by love and support and had a blast. That could be a part of the reason I'm so tired today - we got home pretty late.

Overall feeling really positive and good. During the day I'm able to keep my mind from 'going there' but night is a different story. I'm having trouble sleeping, even with the xanax. I wake up and my heart feels like it is going to beat right out of my chest. I had my first experience with needing to take a xanax during the day. Mini panic attack. I think I'm allowed. Also feeling scattered but I think Dave might argue that that is normal. :-) All I have to do is think about all the amazing people in my life and then I'm ok. I know I keep saying it but I really can't believe how lucky I am!!

One last thing for now. I received the most beautiful necklace from a few very special friends - I love it so much I'm never taking it off. The word on it is "fearless". I'm trying...